and the attraction begins

Okay, before i begin, i just want to say that what i am about to write here, might seem bizarre to some of you, and probably you'd see me in negative way after. But i'm sorry i don't need your judgement..

+++++++

It happened so fast. I don't know when it started exactly, but straightaway I felt I'd like to be around him. He seemed so sincere, likes to help people, and maybe the one thing that made me attracted to him was, he knows what he wants, dalam arti tegas dan gak plin-plan, gak suka menunda pekerjaan.

The next day, 29th Dec, he was helping out another friends, who were moving out because their contract ended on the end of the year. I had nothing to do, so I was also helping out a bit.

I didn't know whether he's attracted to me or not, and my feeling wasn't really strong either, so I didn't do anything. But at night, when he came to Andy's apartment, I was watching TV with Candy, he began asking me about private things, like my ex boyfriends, how they were, what happened,etc. And at one point, he asked me, he wanted to kiss me. I said, why?
I forgot how the conversation went after that, all I remember is moments later, he kissed me.

So we were making out. We almost had sex, but I didn't want to because he didn't have any condom with him.

I realized it was really fast, it was too soon, and really seemed so easy. And things that come so easy must not be good.
So the next day, when we were at it again, i told him i really didn't want to do it, because he wasn't my boyfriend. Eventually he said ya kita pacaran loh. But i knew it was wrong, and i begged him to stop. He got mad, because he thought i was misleading. The day before I wanted to do it, but just because he didn't have any condom, and now I said different excuse.
I tried to explain to him that it was really hard being misjudged by others and i didn't want to do things that can make people think of me in a bad way again. I cried.
And he eventually left.

The next day, new year's eve, i felt terrible for what happened the night before. I don't know, maybe I was lost, I couldn't think straight, because of my family problems, and I had to lose Candy, everything made me couldn't think properly. New year's eve night, I spent with him, Andy, and Andy's friend (Awi), in Yarra Bridge, waiting for fireworks. I took Candy along, and she was afraid of the fireworks. It was cute but kinda annoying too, 'cause she kept trying to run away, she's so afraid of the fireworks sound, that me and Andy had to hold her tight and close her ears in turn.

When we got home, apparently there are some of Andy's friends coming and brought some drinks, and they were drinking until late. When everybody went home, Charles left too. I thought he's not coming back and still mad at me, but apparently he left his mobile phone so I knew that he'd come back.

We did have sex on that night. All I could think was, this guy has helped me so much, maybe this is the way of me paying him back, as I couldn't offer anything else. I know, it's wrong. But well, i wasn't in a good condition at that time. At some point he did mention that we're in a relationship, but i know i can't hope too much from the relationship that begins purely by physical attractions.

I knew i shouldn't be so naive, to actually hope that he'd love me. He's attracted to me, physically. He probably only wants to sleep with me. And my mistake is, I lost control. I've let myself caring for him more and more. I did many mistakes, some of them are huge, just because I don't want to lose him. I thought by doing them, I can still be with him. Little did I know that they don't guarantee he'd be around forever.

I can't tell exactly what I had done in these past months for him, as they were too private.

But maybe i can tell about him and how i felt lately ...

+ to be continued +

what happened back then ..

I know I've been abandoning this blog for a while, my apology..
So many things happened, and i didn't have any chance to write them here..

So what happened back then were..

* i didn't have a happy and peaceful holiday back in my home country.. berantem ama nyokap terus, sampai at some point we didn't talk to each other..
Aku sebenernya tahu sih aku salah. Semua berawal dari Candy. Mama ga suka aku pelihara Candy, apalagi Candy ada kotorin karpet. Dan yah because the fact that aku gak lulus2 juga. Mungkin dia kira aku banyak main-main dan gak serius. She didn't know the reality that I've been dealing with depression and it really affected me in a bad way. And if I didn't have Candy, I might die since long time ago.
Yah lalu she refused to pay my apartment rent fee. Ditunda-tunda mulu, setelah ini lah, setelah itu lah, lalu sampai setelah ko yuki married lah, sampai pada akhirnya aku capek juga ngomong. Percuma juga omong karena at that time, nothing can be said. She hates my guts, and I hate her too.
I was thinking of giving up, seriously. To have a suicide attempt really became my option.
So we didn't talk to each other until the end, she was planning to take a trip to Taiwan with her sister's family on 26th Dec, she totally forgot that I was supposed to leave the next day to Melbourne.

* So then aku bener-bener pulang ke Melbourne on 27th Dec, without saying goodbye to my mom. My brother and sister-in-law said that they would help me to talk to my mom, but i know it'd be hard. They said if my mom was still stubborn, not wanting to support me again here, they'd leave home to. But they can survive even without my mom, but I can't. So i came back to Melbourne, with nothing prepared. All I can think about at that time was, I wanted to take and see Candy again. My condition at that time, I was really prepared to die. I only had few money left, dan uang rent apartment belom terbayar, so I couldn't stay at my apartment. I only can bring my luggage and Candy. I had nowhere to go. If I didn't get any help, I was planning to give Candy up to shelter, and suicide.

I don't have many friends left, and the ones that are still here couldn't help me. Then, i don't know i can call it miracle or what, something happened.
I prayed to God. tuhan, aku ga ada jalan keluar. aku gak tahu harus ngapain. aku ga ada tempat tujuan, ga ada teman, ga ada harapan lagi. kumohon bantu aku, karena kalau tidak, aku benar-benar ga ada jalan keluar dan satu-satunya yang ada di pikiranku adalah giving up.

Then, he came. Out of nowhere.

Aku nyampe Melbourne pagi hari. Agent apartment datang baru sore hari. Jadi aku masih ada waktu masuk ke apartment, dan nyalain messenger.

Suddenly he IMed me. Setelah sekian lama tidak kontak sama sekali.
His name is Charles Tham. I knew him few years ago, in 2006. At that time, i was moving, to Renata's apartment, so i needed a removalist. He was working as a removalist at that time, and Renata told me about him. So I hired him, but that's it. We didn't talk much, baik in person or in messenger. I was a customer of his mom's catering business, so I saw his mom a lot, but I rarely met him.

So anyway, i was really surprised. He messaged me and helped me to find temporary stay, I thanked God for him.
Maybe this is the reason I'm still sticking with him until now, eventhough all people said i shouldn't be with him. (more in this later...)
Aku berhutang banyak ke dia, kalau dia ga ada waktu itu, mungkin aku sudah ga ada sekarang ini.


Jadi setelah aku dikickout sama agent dari apartment, aku gak tahu mesti kemana. Ga ada tempat tujuan, dan hanya bawa satu koper dan Candy. Dan ga ada yang bisa ditumpangin.
Charles contacted me, he said ada temannya yang bisa ditumpangin. So he picked me up around 10 pm, after he's finished with FA, and after visiting some of his friends, i stayed at his friend's apartment.

Andy Maslan is his name. He's a good guy, he allowed me to stay at his place, eventhough he didn't know me, apparently Andy and Charles were best friends. And he liked Candy, so it was really a relief for me.

So i stayed at his place for sometime. Housemates nya Andy lagi holiday, so it was okay for me to stay there for some days. Masih lom ada kabar bagus dari koko, koko dan ce erni masih berusaha maksa mama untuk come into her senses and ngalah. In the other side, my mom wanted me to give Candy up. And it was really the hardest thing I've ever had to do. After giving my baby up, i kinda see Candy as my baby, i loved her very much.

Anyway, about my mom, yah pokoknya she's willing to support me again, as long as I give Candy up. Hmm.. So Candy's basically with Andy now. Right now it's just impossible for me to take care of her, sadly. It breaks my heart not being able to take care of her, but what can I do?

Okay.. More about Charles.. He keeps me company most of the time, he even stayed over too at Andy's apartment. Mungkin karena di apartment dia ga ada kamar kali ya, his parents came over for his graduation. So I guess kita mulai deket dari situ. But like the old saying, easy comes easy goes... It doesn't really like what I was hoping to be ...

- to be continued -

Private Setting

For some reasons, I have to make some changes. Mulai Feb 2008, blog ini akan jadi private blog.

Siapa yang masih mau baca tentang aku, just contact me in a week to get access to this blog :D.

+ nancy_nanz@hotmail.com +

dilemma - 01

what would you do if someone you care about told you, that he/she would leave you one day...

he/she needs you right now.. but one day, he/she might find another person, who's more attractive than you, and leave you..

would you still want to be with him/her, to support him/her during his/her difficult times, despite knowing that what you do to him/her might be useless and you'd have to let him/her go..?



sometimes there are some people who are so unlucky in love... *sigh*

on the verge of breaking down - 03

Hari ini tanggal 4 Desember.

The wedding is on 9th.

Not mine, of course.

My 2nd brother's.

That's the reason I came back home a while ago, which now if I could choose, I'd rather not.

Masih 5 hari lagi. Bertahan ya, Nan. Masih ada 5 hari lagi. Mau gimanapun kamu masih ada kewajiban harus hadir. Tahan ya, Nan. Setelah itu, udah.

Sudah jalan 2 minggu sejak aku pulang, and my condition's getting worse.

Sebenarnya aku udah ga ada keinginan untuk nglakuin apapun.

Setiap hari aku ngrasa capek. Pasti gak ada yang percaya karena sebenarnya aku gak ngapa-ngapain seharian, yang pada akhirnya juga aku yang dijudge seenaknya sendiri.Entahlah. Aku sendiri juga udah capek untuk mencoba lagi. Gak bakal ada orang disini yang akan mau mengerti aku.
Kenapa aku memilih memendam sendiri dan tidak bercerita atau omong kalau aku bermasalah dengan mereka ?

Hmm.. Karena aku tahu pada akhirnya gak ada yang berubah. Ada juga aku yang disalahin.

Hhhh... Cuma disini aku bisa nulis dan cerita.I feel lonely. Meskipun aku berada di rumah dan tengah-tengah keluarga. Tapi aku merasa seperti orang asing.
Kalau bisa memilih, tentunya aku gak mau merasa seperti ini. Tapi mau apa lagi, toh semua sudah terlambat.Aku udah gak tahu musti nulis gimana yah. Terlalu banyak kalimat di otakku yang berjejalan ingin keluar, dan aku gak tahu yang mana duluyang harus aku pilih untuk keluar dulu untuk ngejelasin kenapa aku merasa apa yang aku rasa sekarang.


Hari ini aku dikatain lagi. Meh.. udah biasa sih. Jadi sebenarnya aku sendiri jg udah capek untuk dengerin.Tapi ada yang baru kali ini. I found out that my oldest bro once said some things about me.Yang membuatku berpikir, mungkin kokoku yang lain juga berpikiran sama.Mungkin semua orang juga berpikiran sama.Mungkin memang bener.Aku orang yang gak berguna. I am and will always be a failure. Meh.. What can I do?

Mungkin... memang lebih baik aku tidak ada ya...


I feel hopeless. Saat ini aku cuma bisa lihat 2 pilihan.Antara lebih baik mati, atau tinggalin keluarga ini...It's gonna be rough, I know. And maybe I won't survive out there, tapi sama saja. Tinggal pun aku rasanya pengen mati.
Terserah lah orang-orang disini mo anggep aku egois kek, childish kek, mereka toh gak ngerti gimana rasanya jadi aku.

on the verge of breaking down - part 02

Hmm.. let's see..
If I don't update this blog for the next 2 weeks or so, consider this post as the last one. Even, consider this post as my will, as probably I'm not gonna be around anymore.
I am not trying to scare anyone, it's just what I thought the best way in my situation.
Don't tell me that I'm not supposed to commit suicide with whatever reasons, because I know about all those reasons. But you don't know me, you don't know how I feel, so please don't lecture me.
Yeah maybe I'm a coward, but I don't know if I can take it anymore. I've lost all my hopes and dreams, and now the last thing that keeps me going will also be taken away from me.

I can't blame anyone, I guess maybe this is how my life goes. This is not how I pictured my life would be. I don't know where it got wrong. I wish I can have Doraemon's time machine or maybe have ability like Hiro Nakamura, I really wish I can turn back time and change everything.

I hate myself for has gotten myself into this situation.
I have nothing else in my life to keep living on for.
I've reached a point where I just wanna die.

I don't give a shit anymore whether I am gonna live, or die, I don't care.
I know I've been keeping it to myself, because I'm ashamed to admit it. I'm ashamed to everyone if I show my weak side. But I can't keep it in any longer.
I've had major depression going on in my life and I'm still dealing with it.
But it just gets worse and worse.

Family ? I don't care about them.
I hate my mother, to be honest. She's driving me crazy. I can't win with her.
I am always gonna be a failure in her eyes. No matter what I do.
I envy all of you, who have such great relationships with your moms. I don't. I hate mine.
She can never understand how I feel. She thinks she's always right. And she doesn't care about my feelings.
She doesn't care I'm crying, because she always thinks she's right.
Maybe she doesn't even care if I die.
Yeah, I'm sure about it. Because I remember her saying that her dream was actually not to get married and working her ass off so that she could travel the world.

For her, I'm always a good-for-nothing kid. Can't do anything, always spending her money.
And I'm tired of trying to proof it's not right, I just can't take it anymore. If she thinks I'm a failure, then let it be. I'll grant her wish. I don't care anymore.

What kind of mom who sees her daughter never smiles, and never asks why, but only assumes that her daughter is an arrogant ? Geez mom, wake up ! I can't smile because of you !
You think everything's alright, huh ? Well guess what, it's not !

I grew up with constant fear of you. Do you think it's healthy ? It's not :)
Is it normal for kids fear of their parents ??
Why do you think your kids don't want to be around you ?
You always assume because we didn't get proper "Chinese" education, and "Indonesian" education didn't teach us about respect to the parents. HAH !
You wanna know the truth ?
Because we're tired of your constant pressure, nagging, criticism, threats, and the way you're thinking that you're always right !
You never even once praised me, all you did are pointing out my flaws.
You said it's being humble ? NOOO.. There's a big difference between "rendah diri" and "menghina".

So yeah.. all of you, be grateful you don't have my mom..

Well I don't have much time anymore, I guess I just want to say thank you to all of you guys, for well at least admitting that you know me and for reading my blogs. I'm sorry I can't give you something good to read.

on the verge of breaking down - part 01

My mom came 2 days ago.. and will be here until the day I go home..
And yes, as always.. she's driving me crazy..




I don't know how much longer I can take...



God, please give me strength to carry on.......

my 'baby' is not well ..

My poor "baby" =(
my dearest thing ..

why would you do this to me ... ?

It's perfectly clear that I really need you and you know it, so why do you reject me ?
Please forgive me if I haven't given you a really good care .. But don't scare me like this ..

Now that you're sick, I don't know what to do anymore..
You won't talk to me, you don't give me any clue what to do.. All you showed me was your rejection to what I've asked you to do..

Please give me a clue, so that you're not mad at me anymore, and we can be best friends again .. =(

PC ku sayang, PC ku malang..
Sudah beberapa minggu ini PC ku ngambek..
Pertama aku pikir ada masalah di anak kedua, External Harddisk-ku..
Anakku yang setia menyediakan tenaga dan otaknya untuk menyimpan segala hiburanku..
Suatu ketika di pagi hari yang dingin, aku bangun untuk mendapati dia tidak lagi berfungsi..

Minggu demi minggu dilalui dengan rasa frustasi, marah, kecewa, emosi tinggi..
Semua disebabkan karena satu kalimat..

Sebuah kalimat dalam balon tertulis "Usb device not recognized"..


Segala cara telah kulakukan .. Seluruh penjuru Google telah kulalui..
Tak kutemukan jawaban yang berarti..
Ketika aku mulai menyerah, dan mulai berpikir jika memang aku bernasib buruk
dalam hal memiliki external harddisk,
(soalnya pernah punya dulu tapi rusak (-___-)a )
4 hari yang lalu kutemukan jawabannya, ketika ku mencoba untuk mengakses "anakku" yang lain..

My digicam..
Anakku yang siap setiap saat untuk merekam apa yang menurutku indah..
Yang tidak pernah bermasalah dengan anak pertama..

Ternyata anak pertama mengalami krisis kepercayaan..
Dimana dia menolak untuk berhubungan dengan semuanya..
Dimana dia tidak perduli dan menghiraukan semua yang ingin berkoneksi dengannya..


Iya ..
Semua colokan USB di CPU, menjadi tidak berfungsi..
Karena mau dicolok apapun juga, jawabannya sama..

"Usb device not recognized"

Efek samping :

• Kegiatan download terhenti, karena anak kedua tidak bisa diakses.
• Kegiatan blogging terhambat, karena bahan cerita jadi tidak bisa dipost, karena anak ketiga tidak bisa diakses.
• Tidak bisa lagi update theme dan ringtone handphone, karena USBnya jg tidak bisa diakses.

Yang lagi sedih dan stres,

What it feels like ....

From today's MX newspaper, I found something that interest me.

Oxygen a breath so vital


Want to know what it's like to die? This week's New Scientist discusses the possibilities, from being burned alive to drowning and decapitation.

Whatever the mode, it's usually a lack of oxygen to the brain that is the cause, the report says, using evidence from scientific advances and accounts from survivors.

Drowning : Survivors have said there is a "tearing and burning" sensation as water enters the lungs, followed by a feeling of calm. Oxygen deprivation results in loss of consciousness, the heart stopping and brain death.

Bleeding to death : Marked by several stages of "haemorrhagic shock". Anyone losing 1.5 litres felt weak, thirsty and anxious. Losing two litres led to dizziness, confusion and eventual unconsciousness.

Fire : Burns inflict intense pain and only boost pain sensitivity as superficial nerves are destroyed.

Decapitation : Painless but consciousness can continue briefly. Experts calculate the brain may function for seven seconds.

Electrocution : A household shock might stop the heart, leading to unconsciousness in about 10 seconds. Higher currents through the heart or brain can mean almost immediate unconsciousness, but it has been claimed electrocuted prisoners diedfrom heating of the brain or suffocation.

Fall : Survivors reported the sensation of time slowing down.

Heart attack : A "squeezing" chest pain or pressure is the common symptom. onsciousness is lost in about 10 seconds, with death minutes later.

Now I know what Marie Antoinette felt when she was decapitated. I used to think that decapitation is really cruel, but apparently it's painless. Interesting. So it's not really cruel then. I begin to think that it's actually really good. Painless death.
Well unless the tool is blunt, and it's not done in one swing. Could end up like Nearly Headless Nick. Ouch .. must be really painful.

I always say, I don't want to die from drowning and fire. The corpse always looks terrible. =p. Oooh and of course from fall. I don't want my organs to be splattered on the ground. Must be difficult to collect the remains. And there's a possibility I might lost a small part of my body, right ? =p

The others are painful too....

So decapitation is the best way to die, isn't it ? Interesting ....

B'day dinner @ Blue Fire

On 12th October, after work.

We three, me, Utie, Lillian, went back to city to meet with Mellissa & Arum to have dinner. They didn't know at first that I want to treat them, because I want it to be spontaneous.

This is me and Lillian.



Me and Mellissa, Utie, Arum.



The restaurant is located at Melbourne Central Shopping Centre, level 3, beside Hoyts Cinema Ticket Booth.
It's pricey of course, because it's a fine-dining restaurant. But the food's great.

My drink : Choc Rock ( chocolate milkshake ).




My food :
Porterhouse 280gm steak with mushroom and garlic jus served with potato gratin and roast field mushrooms.




Utie's order :
Rib eye 350gm steak with mushroom and garlic jus served with potato gratin and roast field mushrooms.




Our shared entree :
Truffle scented mushroom and caramelized onion tartlet.




Lillian's order :
Char-grilled Marlin steak over warm nicoise style vegetables with tomato pesto.
She said it's good but dry.




Mellissa's order :
Grilled whole flounder with caper butter sauce & garlic chat potatoes.




Arum's order :
Pan seared chicken breast over potato puree & semi dried tomatoes with sage jus.

I ate big that night, so full.
Thanks girls, I had a great night.

Thank you ...

A big thank you for all these people for still remembering my birthday :


@ Yahoo! Messenger
+ Eric Tumbelaka ( the very first person who congratulate me .. )
+ Herman Sam
+ Sanny Iskandar ( cacan ) *muach muach...*
+ Hodrick Kwan ( WarBreaker )
+ Juwono Dj
+ Yoseph


@ DOMO Indo
+ Felix H. yang sampe nulis di Guild Announcement.
+ dan semua anak-anak guild Yellow Turban yang waktu itu nyelametin, gak hafal siapa aja (^^)v

@ Handphone
+ My beloved mom ..
+ My beloved brothers ..
+ Sally Purnama
+ Mellissa Hidajat
+ Onny Hermadi
+ Roland

@ MSN Messenger
+ Huan
+ Sylvia
+ Jessica Tsang

@ Email & Kaskus
+ bot Kaskus (*lho??*) yang otomatis kirim email ke orang yang ultah .. makasih admin ..
+ azrita
+ totti11

@ Friendster
+ Felix lagi ..
+ Shidiq Junaidi
+ Rony
+ Mitra
+ Prabawa Brodjonegoro
+ Antonny
+ Mona
+ Tommy Tri
+ Mirzha Arista



Hmm... Kayanya udah. Semoga gak ada yang ketinggalan.
I really appreciate it. It's a small gesture, but really means a lot for me.
Thank you.

Semoga amal ibadahnya diterima di sisi-Nya. *lho???*

Yang gak inget, semoga jatuh kepleset pisang. Mwahahahaha......

I'm tagged ... =)

Being tagged by Dita, to tell some facts about me. I gotta say, I'm not sure at first about what to tell. Spent quite some time to think about it.

Okay, here we go....

Rules :

• Each blogger must post these rules
• Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves
• Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
• Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and to read your blog.

8 Habits:

1. I have sweet tooth. Can't resist dessert. Especially chocolate. ( No wonder I'm fat ... (-__-;) )
2. I chew on straws. I don't know when it started, it's really long time ago, and why. Maybe I just like to play with it.
   
3. I do things slowly. I don't like to rush. Sometimes I'm also procrastinating. One thing about me that my mom really hates. =(
   
4. I like reading. I can read anything.
5. I like to have cold drinks better.
   
6. Maybe because I can't have any food or drink that's hot. I like to wait for it to cool down or blow to it first before I consume it.
7. I can sleep in every position, but mostly I sleep on my side. Especially on my left side.
8. I like to observe people. So I often look around. Even in the restaurant. I know some people find it a bit rude when someone doesn't look at them when talking, but sometimes I do that. I will look at them when I talk to them, but after a while, I sometimes look around.
   

People whom I want to tag are:

I don't know.. Everybody who reads my blog deh.... (@_@)


Can you believe I spent almost 2 hours to write about these things ? (o_O)

One night in Zipang ....

In the suburb where I work, Hampton, there is a small Japanese restaurant called Zipang. I bold the small word because it's really really small. Inside there are only space for 3 tables, which can hold maybe 10 people. I guess they focus more in take-aways. But there are also tables outside, which is really not an option actually in winter, because it's really cold in the suburb, much colder than in city.

It's located right across the station, so I passed it everytime I go to work. It's only open for short time though, I think it's open for lunch hour, and then closed around 3. Then re-open for dinner time. That's why I can only go there at night after work.

So at 25/09, we went there to have dinner. It was full, we have to wait for some time because it's really busy and there are only 2 staffs there. We were placed outside, but thankfully after a while, a table finished, and we could get inside.

The food is good, not so bad. Kinda pricey for small portions, but well it's Japanese restaurant. Most of them are like that.

I ordered sashimi and gyoza, and I took pictures of them because they looked good.

Large McDonald's Quarter Pounder Meal

Aku bisa dibilang, sering banget beli McDonald's disini. Cinta mati euy.
Biarin deh, gendut-gendut deh. Enak banget sih.

My fave, pasti selalu beli ini.
Large Quarter Pounder Meal. Hampir gak pernah deh beli yang lain. Malah kadang nambah Large Fries. Friesnya McD enak banget (*_*).

foto makanan

selama 2 minggu yang lalu, karena bokek.. cuma masak sekedarnya..

dinner irit
Cah Kangkung .. Telor Mata Sapi .. Minumnya Fanta Orange :D


sarapan irit
Roti Bakar pake Nutella / Meises Coklat, dikasih susu kental manis di atasnya...


Waktu ada tambahan duit sedikit, beli ayam deh sekilo. Masak Curry Ayam, cepet dan gampang. Eh tapi ternyata berasnya abis, jd makan pake Mashed Potato deh.


Oya, dessert. Pudding Coklat + Saus Vla Putih, yang agak keenceran karena kebanyakan air. Tapi tetep enak kok ;p.

benjolan aneh - part 2

Masih inget kisah ini ?

Updates... 2 hari setelah posting itu, benjolannya aku pecah. Aku tusuk pake peniti, aku keluarkan cairannya, cairannya bening. Lalu kulit yang ke-stretch itu aku kelupas, lalu aku tempel Handyplast.

Seminggu kemudian, inilah yang terjadi. Jadi kaya berlubang. Gak sakit sih sebenernya.





Lalu aku pakein Handyplast lagi. Yah karena aku pikir kalau terekspos udara kan bisa kena debu / kuman , dan melihat aku punya rumah ada anjing dan berantakan ;p.
Aku pikir cuma butuh waktu aja untuk regenerasi kulit baru.



Seminggu kemudian ( hari ini ), inilah yang terjadi. Terlihat, jadi memerah dan benjol kecil, dan di tengah2nya itu kering, tapi gak bisa dikelupas. Kalau sekarang sakit, dipegang senut-senut.




Yah ada yang bilang harus tanya ke dokter sih, musti diapain. Tapi males juga buang duit cuma untuk nanyain benjolan aneh. Sampai sekarang ini aku masih gak tahu ini apaan, mau ke dokter jg ntar aku bingung ngejelasinnya gimana :| .

Diapain yah enaknya..... (~_~).

Subway Commercial Greasy Fast Food

Lately, this commercial appears on TV for like , every hour. When I first saw it, I didn't care, because I don't really like Subway. But you know, when you hear something over and over again, every hour, somehow it's stuck in your head.

Now I love it.

Ba-donka-donk ? Budenkedunk ? xD

PS : But I don't believe that Subway's healthier than other fast food company.

Even though it's true, I don't care.

I still love McDonald's.

MmmMmMmMmmMmmm... McDonald's .. i'm loving it ...

Rat-a-too-ee

I went to Hoyts cinema two days ago ( Tuesday night ) after work, with Melz and Utie, to watch this movie.
At first I didn't want to watch it in cinema, thought I would download it, but after hearing some people saying that it's a good movie, I decided, alright I'll go to cinema.

Turns out, it's pretty good. A drama, with little comedy.

Before the movie begins, we are presented with a short animation movie by Pixar, called Lifted. It's about an alien having an exam abducting a man who's a really heavy sleeper. Because eventhough the alien failed everytime and the man got thrown to the wall, he keeps sleeping. Pretty funny.

*spoiler alert*

Okay about Rat-a-too-ee.
First we are introduced to Chef Gusteau, a chef lives in Paris and have a famous restaurant. He's also a writer for a cooking book, " Anyone can cook ".

But this movie is about a rat, named Remy, who has special gift. He can smell anything and appreciate every taste. He lives in a house belongs to an old lady in the suburb with his big brother and his dad, who turns out to be the head of the rat clan. There are hundreds of rats there, and they've been stealing food from the old lady.

One day, Remy saved his dad's life. He almost ate a rat-poisoned food. Remy smelled it and his dad realized his talent. So he's been appointed to be poison detector. Feeling like living a boring life, he feels he wants to do more.

When he sneaked in to the old lady's kitchen, the TV was announcing news about Chef Gusteau's book, and Remy believed in what Gusteau said. It's inspired him to be a cook, so when he found an old mushroom, he wanted to make something out of it.
The cute thing is, eventhough he's a rat, he understands that foods should be handled hygienically. He always washes his hands before handling foods.

He asked his brother to help him, and found some spices and cooked it on the roof with lighting as a fire =P. Then he realized he need saffron to make it better, so he and his brother sneaked back to the old lady's kitchen. She's always sleeping whenever the cooking show's on, so Remy thought it was okay. Well it didn't. The TV announced some news about Gusteau, he received bad critic from a food critic named Anton Ego, and Gusteau took the news terribly and resulted in his death. Remy was shocked and when he got closer to the TV, the old lady woke up and spotted him. She went mad and kept shooting at them. In the end, the ceiling fell and the rats clan who have been living in the attic were exposed.

They were all trying to run away from the house, since the old lady wanted to kill them all. In the middle of the panic attempt to escape, Remy remembered that he wanted to take the cooking book and got back to the house. Because of that, he got left behind when all of his family and friends are already in a "boat" in the river / sewer. He tried to catch up, but the old lady got in the way, she shot at the boats, missed it of course, but Remy was separated with the clan when the sewer tunnel's parted into 2 ways.

Somehow Remy was drifted further in the sewer, and while he was waiting desperately for a sign and hungry, an imaginary fairy, who resembles Gusteau, appeared. He somehow became like a guardian angel for Remy. Fairy Gusteau suggested Remy to explore the city to get food, and after a minute or two, he ended up on a roof, overlooking Paris, with Gusteau's restaurant behind him.

Meanwhile, in the Gusteau's restaurant, there was a crisis happening because of Gusteau's death. It was short-staffed, and needed a garbage boy, there was a boy applying to get a job there, named Alfredo Linguini. ( Does this name sound like a pasta menu ? It does to me. )
He's clumsy and has no talent at all in cooking, yet he needed a job, so he obeyed his deceased mother's request who told him to apply for a job in Gusteau's, and apparently she knew Gusteau and wrote a letter.

One day, when Remy was observing the kitchen from a window in the ceiling, he saw that Linguini spilled the cooked soup and was making a mess with the soup. Remy was upset and fell from the window, and after running-and-hiding scenes for awhile, which can leave the audience with suspense =P, Remy added some ingredients to the soup while escaping. He got carried away though, and spent some time in the stove, and didn't realized Linguini was back and looking at him. When he was caught by Linguini, the sous-chef, Skinner, came and thought Linguini was cooking while he was supposed to be cleaning and got really mad. A waiter came and took some of the soup, and after they got panic because they thought it was terrible, it turned out the soup was great. And Skinner tried to punish Linguini and fire him, but the woman chef, Colette, convinced him that Linguini can help the restaurant by asking him to make the soup again the next day.


While they were having the conversation, Remy was trying to escape through the window and Skinner saw him. All the chefs gone ballistic and wanted to kill it, but Skinner said it's better to throw it away because he wanted to keep the credibility of the restaurant. He asked Linguini to do it, and Linguini took Remy to a river and tried to throw him to the river. But he couldn't do it, he felt bad himself and depressed and complained about his life. Apparently Remy can understand him, so Linguini got an idea, he can't cook, but Remy can, so that they should be cooking partner.

Linguini took Remy to his small flat, and the next day he found out that Remy can control him by tugging his hair. ( I think it's weird, there was no explanation why it can happen. )
So Remy hid inside the chef hat.

Apparently, Skinner was trying to take over the restaurant, and when he read Linguini's mother's letter, it's clear that actually Linguini is Gusteau's son. And he tried to hide this fact and consult his attorney. His attorney advised him to try to get a hair or something from Linguini to do DNA test with Gusteau's hair. Skinner tried to get some informations about Linguini's talent by making him drunk. Meanwhile, Remy was reunited with his brother, who was actually looking for food in the restaurant's trash bin, Remy helped to steal some food from the fridge, and he was dragged back to the clan. But Remy decided he wanted to continue to be a cook.

Linguini was attracted to Colette, and when they got closer, Remy felt abandoned. He was feeling sad, and one day, he was forced to steal food again from the fridge because his brother came with his friends, and when he found out the fridge was locked, he sneaked into Skinner's office, he found Gusteau's will and found out about the heir. He was caught by Skinner and stole the documents and after some chasing scenes, he escaped.

In a nut shell, the restaurant was now owned by Linguini, and Skinner was fired. Feeling disappointed, Skinner tried to get a revenge by contacting health inspector to report about rat's condition, but his appointment was full, and couldn't inspect Gusteau's soon.

Well time goes by. One day, because Linguini was overwhelmed with fame and success, he and Remy had a falling out and part ways. Remy was furious and lead a rats raid to the kitchen. Somehow Linguini felt bad and wanted to say sorry to Remy, and he went back to the kitchen. When he found out that Remy was conducting a rats invasion, he got mad and kick them all out.

Trouble arises when the Anton Ego wanted to come again to the restaurant to review the new rising chef, Linguini. In panic, and realizing that he was wrong to kick Remy out, he confessed to the fellow chefs that it was Remy who was talented, not him. He didn't get good reaction though, the chefs left him because they were disappointed. And feeling down, Linguini gave up and stayed in the office.


Remy didn't want to give up, he wanted to cook, and with the help of all the rats, he controlled the kitchen, Linguini became the waiter for the night. The funny part here is, the health inspector suddenly came and saw all the rats were working in the kitchen, and terrified. Then he was tied and hidden in the fridge =D.

Colette came back too, and with disbelief at first, she agreed to help Remy.

Remy cooked Ratatouille for Anton Ego & Skinner who came in disguise to watch the food critic. It turned out the food was really good, it even brought Ego back to childhood memory. When he asked to see the chef, Linguini ask him to wait until all the customers left. Ego agreed, because he really wanted to know who makes the food. In the end, Linguini confessed and showed Remy to Ego. Ego didn't seem to believe it at first, but after seeing Remy remade the food, he left speechless.

The day after, the review was out. And it was great.

But still, Remy was a rat, rat has an image that it's a nasty vermin, and because the health inspector already knew that the kitchen was full of rats, the restaurant was closed down. Ego also loses his job as food critic, because he gave good review to a rat-infested restaurant.

But it all comes to the best. Ego opened a small restaurant named La Ratatouille with Remy as head chef. And of course Linguini & Colette were there.
Even though the restaurant was small, but it was warm and it has both dining facilities for human and rats. =D

~*~

This movie is more like a drama, rather than comedy. But although I was not laughing out loud, like when I was watching Shark Tale or Shrek 2, it's a good movie. 8/10. I don't regret watching it in the cinema.

Do watch it in the cinema.

PS :
But don't watch Surf's Up in the cinema. My friends said it's not worth it. Maybe just watch it in the dvd or something =P.

HANA-BI

http://imdb.com/title/tt0119250/

Iseng-iseng rent DVD minggu lalu dari Video-EZY, tertarik untuk pinjem film ini. Asal comot pertamanya, karena dulu pernah denger kalau film ini bagus.
Lalu baca reviewnya di belakang case :

" EXTRAORDINARY ! WILDLY BEAUTIFUL.
HANA-BI is one of the decade's great films. It left me in tears.
- Vogue "

Sounds promising.

Sinopsis film :
Detective Nishi is bitter when he learns that his wife, Miyuki, is terminally ill and his partner Horibe was shot and now tied to a wheelchair. Horibe wants to become a painter, but doesn't have money for that. To help him and a young police widow whose husband was shot dead during an arrest, he borrows money from Yakuza. After that he buys an old car, paints it as a police car, and, dressed in uniform, singlehandedly robs a bank. With the money he goes on a final farewell journey together with his wife.

~*~

Film ini berat, artistik, serius. Entah ya, aku merasa film ini quiet banget.
Jarang ada backsound music, baru mulai ada setelah mendekati ending.
Itupun jg karena tokoh-tokohnya tidak berdialog, jadi diisi dengan music.
Para pemain gak mengeluarkan banyak dialog. Tapi lebih bercerita lewat gerakan.

30 menit pertama rada plain sih, kurang lebih ngegambarin kehidupan satu team polisi.
Kalau gak salah ada 5 orang.
Ada tokoh utama, yang dari awal sudah kelihatan kalau pendiam, cool, gak banyak bicara. Punya istri yang sakit leukemia dan ga ada kemungkinan sembuh, dan putri mereka satu-satunya meninggal.
Gak heran sejalan cerita, kesannya dia terbebani.

Ada rekannya, yang dari luar seperti punya keluarga harmonis, tapi ternyata ketika dia masuk RS dan harus hidup di kursi roda, istri dan anak-anaknya ninggalin dia.

Lalu satu orang, yang mati dan meninggalkan seorang istri.

Film ini sbnrnya baru jelas ceritanya setelah 40 menit ke atas.
Karena ceritanya lompat-lompat gitu.
Jadi ada satu moment, mereka bertugas di satu mall ? Untuk mengepung satu penjahat. Lalu sepertinya tokoh utama maju sendirian, dan jadi berantem.
Lalu entah deh, tiba-tiba jadi ada tembakan-tembakan. Ga tahu sapa yang nembak. Pokoknya dari 5 orang itu, satu mati, satu cacat deh.

Mungkin karena awalnya dari berantem itu, maka tokoh utama merasa bersalah kepada teman-temannya.
Jadi dia keluar dari kepolisian, selain untuk spend more time sama istrinya juga.
Dia jg menjenguk temannya yang di kursi roda itu, yang bercerita gimana dia ditinggal oleh keluarganya, dan akhirnya memutuskan untuk mempunyai hobby melukis, dan nengok janda dari temannya yang meninggal, yang bercerita kepada dia kalau mencari income susah banget, dan dia hanya kerja di deli.

Ternyata dia juga berurusan dengan Yakuza. Dia punya utang ke mereka.

Lalu dia pergi ke tempat mobil-mobil bekas. Disitu dia menemukan lampu polisi. Dan akhirnya membeli mobil taksi bekas.
Mobil itu dicat ulang, menyerupai mobil polisi.
Maka dia pakai mobil itu untuk merampok bank.

Adegan merampoknya juga silent banget. Rada gak masuk akal sih menurutku.
Karena dia cuma jalan ke counter teller, naruh bungkusan item, ngacungin pistol di atas meja, dan teller jalan ke belakang ambil duit, dan kasih ke dia.
Tanpa ada reaksi apa-apa dari sekelilingnya, padahal rame. Apakah karena dia pake baju polisi lalu gak ada yang mengira dia perampok ?
Tapi masa gak ada yang sadar dia ngacungin pistol.

Anyway, yah dia pake duit rampokan itu, untuk bayar utang ke Yakuza, untuk beliin temennya peralatan lukis, dan kasih tunjangan ke si janda. Sisanya dia pake untuk jalan-jalan ama istrinya.

Si tokoh utama sebenernya punya sifat yang unpredictable. Bisa tenang, diam, gak banyak bicara. Tapi sekali-kali bisa meledak-ledak dan gak peduli. Bisa asal mukul dan bunuh orang.
Akhir cerita sih, dia ada bunuh anggota Yakuza itu, dan diburu dua orang temannya yang masih bekerja di kepolisian.

Scene terakhir dia ditemukan bersama istrinya di pantai, dan dia minta waktu sebelom dibawa ke kepolisian. Di pantai, dia bersama istrinya melihat seorang anak cewe main-main layangan. Dia ikutan main sih, tp akhirnya ngrusakin layangannya.
In the end, gak jelas akhirnya gimana. Ada suara tembakan 2x, dan kamera shoot wajah anak cewe yang bengong. Aku ngiranya sih, mati. Tapi entah, gak jelas.

Filmnya selain gak banyak dialog, banyak silencenya, lalu terkadang diselip2in gambar-gambar art. Jadi bisa ada kemungkinan bosan di tengah-tengah.
Lumayan bagus sih, dalem.
Tapi untuk nonton lagi, males deh. =D
Tadi aja aku nonton sambil ngaskus saking bosennya.

Belakangan ini, rasanya capeeeeeeek banget.
Berhari-hari ngejar belajar, assignments.
Stress banget.



In the end, aku gak yakin sih assignmentku sukses atau gak.
Entah deh, pasrah aja.
Aku cuma bisa berusaha semampuku.


Anyway, berhubung aku gak tahu mau posting apaan,
hmm.. posting ini aja ah.
Hari ini masak dinner, iseng-iseng moto. Hehehehehe......
Nasi goreng dan telor, dan tomat sbg sides.
Makanan hemat dan irit.